


The Dinner Party

by Gothicsouthpaw30



Series: Bilbo and Bofur's relationship from courtship and onward [8]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Bilbo Is Awesome, Bilbo is humiliated, Bofur is a Sweetheart, Bofur is nervous, Dinner parties gone wrong, Drunken Shenanigans, Gen, Humor, Implied Bilbo Baggins/Bofur, Implied Relationships, Lovely Bofur, M/M, Male Homosexuality, vulgarity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-16
Updated: 2013-08-17
Packaged: 2017-12-20 08:43:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/885276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gothicsouthpaw30/pseuds/Gothicsouthpaw30
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sorry y'all the other story wasn't cutting it but don't worry, all of you who like my Boffin's creations I've come up with this and have another idea in the works.</p><p>Basically Bilbo is finally going to have the dinner party he wants and Bofur is nervous about being a nice, respectable dwarf amongst the hobbit guests.</p><p>You'll see where I'm going with this after the first chapter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

“Stop fiddling with that waist coat, you look fine, I promise.”

Bofur grunted as he pulled once more at the constricting fabric as he stood before the mirror; quite displeased and feeling naked without his beloved hat.

“Can’t I wear me hat?” He asked, “Just fer a while?”

Bilbo chuckled as he made to leave; “It’s a formal dinner,” He explained, “Hobbit style. Besides, you’ve very pretty hair, show it off for once.”

Bofur groaned and Bilbo chuckled again, waving his hand at his partner. “I’ve got to check on dinner,” He explained, “Can you check Jeri and Frodo?”

Bofur nodded and cast his reflection a despairing look; “Whaddya mean it’s a hobbit style affair?” He asked as ran his thick fingers through his hair.

Bilbo, leaning backward and poking his head through the open door, said with a smile: “That means no food fights, belching, and most of all, no tossing the dishes around.”

Bofur snorted and flopped his arms at his sides; “Might as well just stay in here!” He sighed, “I’ll loose me mind otherwise.” 

“Oh, that’s silly,” Bilbo chided from the hall way, “Now just check the children will you?”

Bofur moaned under his breath and started down the hall way in the opposite direction of Bilbo; He’d have to do his best not to let boredom and bitterness ruin Bilbo’s carefully planned evening. After all, Bofur knew, the hobbit had been planning an evening with some close friends for sometime now and he’d agreed to it. Begrudgingly. 

‘Well,’ Bofur resigned, ‘I’ll just keep my self busy with Jeri and Frodo. They’re gonna be the more entertaining guests any ways.’

 

They strolled in one by one and, to his dismay, rather early and Bofur found himself called from the living room and away from the children. 

Bilbo waved him over and made him greet the guests with a false smile; He didn’t dare try to recall their names at the moment. Two married couples and then two childhood friends, that’s all he really knew, and he dare not asked Bilbo for any help.

‘Let see,’ Bofur thought as Jeri and Frodo came to his side to greet the guests as well, ‘Those are the Ropers, and those two are the-uh-Proudfoot's? And the two fellows are…Hopper’s?’

“Bofur did you hear him?” Bilbo asked suddenly, casting a Bofur a concerned gaze.

“Eh…Sorry,” Bofur stammered, “My mind was else where.”

Bilbo’s jaw stiffened, yet, he kept his pleasant demeanor and explained: “Tobias-Toby-was asking about your toy shop, he asked if business was still good.”

Toby, one of the Hopper’s, smiled brightly at Bofur whom felt his cheeks burn. “Aye,” He answered nonetheless, “Better ‘n better every day actually.” 

“My Lily loves they toy pony you made,” Toby replied with the same smile, “Sleeps with it even!”

“Yer married?” Bofur asked, earning a wide-eyed and tight lipped look from Bilbo, “Aint ye the gay one?”

Bilbo broke out into loud nervous laughter and clapped his hands several times before Toby could answer. 

Frodo and Jeri seemed absolutely shocked at the maniacal, and quite unusual, behavior of their loved one and looked at Bofur who was just then realizing the mistake he’d made.

“Let’s head into the den shall we?” Bilbo offered his stunned guests, “Bo-Bofur, if you will, there’s some appetizers stored in the pantry. Could you fetch them please?”

Bofur nodded slowly, told Jeri and Frodo to follow Bilbo, and quickly hurried out of sight.

When he was in the privacy of the delicious smelling storage closet, Bofur slumped against the wall and slapped his hand to his forehead. 

Overcome with humiliation and, most of all, guilt over having already compromised what his partner had hoped would be a peaceful, pleasant evening with old friends.

With a sigh, Bofur pushed the unpleasantness away and, at first, reached for the large tray of different cheeses and crackers.

Until, out of the corner of his eye, he spied the drum of ale. Bofur licked his lips and eyed it with hungry eyes.

Bilbo had been quite specific; alcohol was to be served after dinner; which meant a very, very long wait for the already uncomfortable dwarf and it was to be wine, not ale which was his favorite leisure drink. 

“Well,” Bofur whispered as he looked over his shoulder, “It won’t hurt to have little nip o’ the good stuff.”


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The before dinner meet-n-greet gets off to bad start when Bofur comes from the pantry...a lot more relaxed than he was when he first entered.

“Goodness Bofur it took you some time,” Bilbo teased when the dwarf entered the living area with the tray in hand, “I had a mind to go and fetch you after fifteen minutes went by! And that was forty minutes ago!”

Bofur smiled crookedly, dropped the tray loudly on the table, and offered a comical bow as an apology.

“Fergive me-hic-I…uh…I uh….ummmm….got distracted,” Bofur slurred as he went to the fireplace, “did ye moooove me tabbaca box again?”

Bilbo looked at his guests and children nervously before moving over to where Bofur was now moving and rearranging the mantle.

“No,” Bilbo explained pleasantly, “It’s right here but let’s not smoke right now Bo~”

“Why not?” Bofur asked, “I always smoke-hic-at this time.”

Bilbo chuckled nervously and gently pulled the tobacco box away from Bofur; “Bo,” He breathed, “Please? Let’s sit and chat.”

Bofur smiled warmly before letting a loud, long belch. “Just a quick puff is all,” He explained as he took the box out of Bilbo’s hand, “It won’t bother any of you will it?”

The guest in their own time shook their heads nervously and Bofur bowed in gratitude but as he did his fingers slipped and the tobacco box fell from his hand and shattered upon the floor.

“Oh feck me!” Bofur spat, “I just bought that damn weed yesterday!”

From they sat upon the floor, Frodo and Jeri looked at each other and began to giggle and whisper quietly while the invited guests squirmed in their seats.

“B-Bo, let’s just sit!” Bilbo urged grabbing a nearby broom and dust pan, “Please?”

With a sigh Bofur conceded and plodded over to his chair but not before stomping on Ruby Bolger’s foot. Causing her to yelp and her husband to flinch and cast the dwarf an angry look. 

“Sorry,” Bofur offered with a laugh, “Those feet though…kinda hard to avoid after all.”

“Ah ha! Bofur does love to jest!” Bilbo laughed taking his seat at last, “Please, tell me, Ophelia how are your flowers keeping?”

Ophelia Proud feet offered a nod and replied: “Quite well, though my daisies don’t seem to be growing well and I can’t, for the life of me figure out why.”

Bilbo nodded and began to offer his own botanical advice, along with encouraging the guests to partake of the appetizers, and looked over at Bofur.

He was staring, eyes narrowed, hard at Ophelia’s husband with his chest puffed and his jaw tight. 

‘Oh no,’ Bilbo thought, ‘Please…please no more Bo!’

“Bo,” Bilbo said softly, interrupting his conversation with Ophelia, “Humbert’s a leather worker. Maybe You could take those boots you love so much to him tomorrow to see if he can mend them being as they’re quite worn.”

“Ye eyein’ me boy-o?” Bofur asked, much to Bilbo’s horror, “What’s yer problem?”

“No he wasn’t!” Bilbo hurriedly explained as Humbert’s eyes went wide and he seemed to shrink in his seat, “He was uh…admiring your earring! Why don’t you tell them how you came to possess it?”

Bofur snorted just as Jeri came and crawled into his lap; bring a smile to Bofur, and much relief to the distressed hobbit.

“Oh, that’s a bit dark,” Bofur explained smoothing Jeri’s hair, “Why don’t we talk about what we did after we left that barbecue last month, eh? It’s a lot funnier.” 

Bilbo’s breath caught He shook his head. “No,” He said with a forced smile, “Let’s not. I tell you what how about you and I go and~”

“Oh now!” Bofur chuckled, “I’m sure they would love hearin’ about how disgusted ye were with the food they sent back home with us and, to get rid of it, ye threw it in a pond. But-this is great!- a few days later it was all still there, wouldn’t ye know, the fish couldn’t even dare themselves to take a nibble! Whose barbeque was that again, Bilbo? I can’t recall.”

An uneasy silence filled the room for a moment and each quest, and host, began to squirm uneasily.

“Well?” Bofur asked as he bounced Jeri on his knee, “Do ye remember Bilbo?”

“It was ours,” remarked a voice, a male hobbit sitting next to Ruby Bolger. Her husband Igor, glowered at Bilbo, and then offered a smirk at Bofur.

“Oh!” Bofur laughed and hiccupped, “Well…thanks fer givin’ us somethin’ to feed the fish. Or at least try too!”

Bilbo’s face was on fire and he bowed his head for a moment; “I think I’ll check the roast,” He announced rising slowly, “Why don’t you continue to…entertain our guests Bo.”

“Oh! Don’t be a sore sport!” Bofur guffawed, nearly knocking Jeri off his knee, “’s not like a told them about the time we was foolin’ around and broke the bed!”


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So we come to dinner...yeah...

When dinner was served and the guests were guided in by Bilbo whom instructed them to take their seats, after calling them for the third time, Bilbo was horrified when Bofur at last entered the dining room.

“Oooh! I love ye you lil fecker! I love ye!” Bofur was slurring as He stumbled into the room with Frodo in a gentle head lock and Jeri trailing happily behind them.

“Uh…B-Bofur let’s release Frodo shall we?” Bilbo said as he wrenched the dwarf’s arm free from around the young Hobbits neck, “Frodo-Jeri-let’s sit down now. It’s supper time and~”

“Why don’ we-hic-excuse the guests, eh?” Bofur interjected as he placed his arm around Bilbo’s shoulders, “get to bed, you ‘n me, and…talk about gardening? Do ye know what I mean Lobelia?” 

Ophelia’s cheeks flared and her mouth dropped and the rest of the guests again cast each other nervous glances as Bilbo struggled to guide the tipsy dwarf to his seat. 

“Now Bofur,” Bilbo chuckled as Bofur sat with a plop in his chair, “It’s Ophelia, not Lobelia and~”

“Lobelia?” Bofur asked with a snort, “Ye invited that cranky ol’ bitch?”

To Bilbo’s shocked relief the guest burst into laughter and Toby lifted his water goblet as if to praise the dwarf’s insult.

Giving his best false laugh Bilbo patted Bofur’s shoulder and with his other hand held Bofur’s own goblet up to his lips; “Let’s forget all this silliness and eat,” He advised, “I do hope the lot of you enjoy it. It’s a nice roast and I used my mother’s recipe.”

"Aye," Bofur muttered after taking a sip of water, "the sooner we get this done, the sooner Bilbo n' I can 'ave dessert!"

 

As the dinner was eaten, Jeri and Frodo seated at their own small table, the guests partook of the scrumptious meal happily as well as harmless gossip. That was until Bofur let loose a table-shaking belch that only the young dwarf and hobbit appreciated from their own table.

Jeri laughed so hard that bits of mashed potatoes flew from her mouth and splattered on Frodo’s face; causing the young hobbit to gag and choke on his milk so severely that it dribbled from his nose.

“Oh Bofur,” Bilbo sighed dejectedly, “You do love to keep the children entertained.”

“Dwarven custom,” Bofur said as he sucked annoyingly on a tip of his long moustache, “Basically it’s just me way o’ saying twas a good meal!”

Toby cleared his throat and began to butter another dinner roll when, his nerves getting the better of him, the knife slipped from his grip and clattered to the floor.

“Here!” Bofur said with a wide grin as he picked up his butter knife, “use this.”

“Bofur DON’T!” Bilbo shouted reaching over just a second-to-late, watching in horror as what he hoped wouldn’t happen did in fact happen.

A blood curdling shriek resounded throughout Bag End as Bofur sent the knife sailing with deadly accuracy.

Toby toppled from his seat, curling into a ball, with his hands covering his head while all other hobbits jumped to their large feet and gaped; staring at the dull butter knife now stuck deep in the wall behind Toby.

Bofur, on the other hand, burst out into loud laughter and he clapped his hands wildly for a few moments. 

With tears burnin’ at his eyes he stammered: “N-n-not even B-b-Bilbo gets that scared!”

“Do it again Daddy!” Jeri goaded happily, “Do it with a steak knife!”

“Or a fork!” Frodo added, “Or a cleaver like you did last weak!”

“My word!” gasped Ruby, “you throw cleavers at children?”

“No, no!” Bofur chortled, “Just them! They love it!”

“Oh…my goodness…” Bilbo moaned and buried his face in his hand, “This isn’t goin’ well at all!”

With one eye beginning to droop, Bofur took Bilbo into a strong, one armed hug and kissed him forcefully on his cheek.

“It’s goin’ swell!” He assured the deeply blushing hobbit, “How about we bring out the wine, eh?”

“Oh…I don’t think that’s a wise idea,” Toby dared to say as he peeked at Bofur from where he crouched, “Perhaps…um…perhaps this evening should come to a close!”

“Ach! Don’t be silly!” Bofur laughed as he waved his free hand at Toby whom slowly stood up, “Bilbo’s got some fine wine and cheese ready fer ye! Whaddya ye say Bilbo?”

Bilbo slowly lifted his head and looked at his guest then slowly turned and looked at Bofur him observed with a soft, lopsided smile before belching softly.

“I think I could use a drink after all.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long guys. I'm also sorry it's so brief...I've been HORRENDOUSLY busy as of late. More to come as soon as I can get it here :-)

“I am so sorry! Truly I am He….he’s just nervous and all!”

Bilbo didn’t blame his flustered guest for remaining stiff and silent as they each exited his inherited family home without words of reply or farewell.

After all…Bofur had indeed just vomited all over poor Toby’s large furry feet causing a most disgusting equal reaction from the horrified hobbit. 

But that was after Bofur had playfully grabbed Ruby and forced her into terribly dizzying dance that caused the poor female to nearly breakdown sobbing in a humiliation until both Bilbo and her husband had put an end to it.

Where Bofur had gone afterward, to the children’s room or their own, all Bilbo really cared about was ceaselessly apologizing to his guest while fighting the urge to call and offer Bofur the opportunity to leave and go elsewhere for the night.

For the dark thoughts that raced for Bilbo’s mind would be one of only few things he would never reveal to his partner in the years that would come after all that had happened.

“Well…I have heard Bofur is quite fond of drink,” Toby pointed out softly after he’d cleaned his feet, “Rather…amusing fellow.”

Bilbo offered a flat smile and bid Toby a good evening as his final guest took his leave without another word.

Instantly, the Baggins hobbit, went in search of the dwarf with sweating hands and pounding heart that echoed in his pointed ears.

He found him tucking Jeri into her bed, Frodo being older had undoubtedly and with good reason, retired earlier that evening. But not before casting a Bilbo a worried look as he did.

The older Baggins knew he’d have to make the poor boy wasn’t to humiliated or traumatized by the horrid dinner part but, for now, he waited until Bofur exited Jeri’s room unsteadily and with a sloppy looking smile upon his face. 

Bilbo said nothing at first, backed up a little so that Bofur could fully step into the hall way and shut the dwarven child’s door completely with a soft click. 

“She was well-behaved this evenin’ eh?” Bofur chuckled as he turned to face Bilbo whom leaned, arms crossed over his chest, against the curved wall with his lips pressed tightly together.

“Quite,” Bilbo muttered after a moment, “She knew that it’s always right to act polite and hospitable when guests are in our home after all. Unlike some dwarves.” 

Bofur blew air threw his lips, the tips of mustache fluttering as he did, and asked: “What’s tha’ s’pose t’ mean?”

Bilbo sighed and shook his head as he dropped it slowly so that he could gaze thoughtfully at the floor while his partner swayed unsteadily and waited for him to answer.

“Well Bo,” the hobbit sighed at last, “I must say I don’t think I have ever, EVER, been so humiliated in all my life!” 

Bofur, to Bilbo’s great offense, chuckled confusedly and shook his head as though he didn’t understand at all what his lover had just revealed.

With one eye drooping shut, a playful smirk coming to the dwarf’s face, Bofur snorted and asked: “Why? What did ye do?”

Almost as instantly as he’d spoke those words, the dwarf huffed and with a grin spreading bright and wide across his weathered features, Bofur toppled to the floor. 

Listening to the loud snoring his partner emitted for a minute, pinching the bridge of his nose as he thought, Bilbo finally sighed and threw up his hands lightly before turning and heading into the bedroom.

Bofur could lie there all night if it pleased him!

As he dressed for bed a thought bore down upon Bilbo and he shuddered in horror.

Yule was coming and with it, it had been agreed a month or so ago, Bofur’s brother Bombur would be coming with his wife…and all twelve children.


End file.
